Money!

Think I've found a way to cover things for this month. I have a savings box at my Nan's (which, in my panic, I had forgotten about ) - it didn't have much in it, but had enough to cover the direct debits, so I've taken that and I can pay it into my bank tomorrow. As it's cash (I hope) it'll go into the bank straight away so I'll be sorted and won't get any bank charges or be in arrears or anything.


Food's a secondary issue; I've got enough in the freezer to last me a couple of weeks and I'll sort something after that. Maybe the ESA will be through by then, with a bit back dated, so I'll be able to buy some more.


If I can't manage phonecalls and money and other things myself, how on earth do I expect to be able to support other people? I spent all yesterday in bed, and have spent today sat at my Nan's drinking tea and ignoring my phone because I didn't/don't want to talk to anyone. Fool. I kid myself that everything's great and I'm ok and wonderful, and things are much better than they were, but even CPN said that I'm not quite back on track yet. Apparently it's normal, and all part of "recovery," but I'm fed up of recovery - I've been recovering for the past three years. I want to be recovered. Blimey, I should have managed that by now - it's not all that difficult just to be ordinary, and, you know, do ordinary things - work, go food shopping, make phone calls, engage with people. As it is, I suck at all that.


God, I really am so stupid sometimes. Ever get that feeling that you're just not cut out to be a fully functioning human being?