Well, technically it's session 5 or 6, but I had the others before the Christmas incident, so it feels a bit like I'm starting again.
Today was just a catch up session. I was really nervous and as such forgot to breathe when I was talking - a bit of verbal diarrhoea, I think! ::)
It wasn't too bad. He let me off a bit by not asking the probing questions he usually does, and it really was just a "getting to know you" session all over again. We went over the past few months (which have been pretty rubbish) and he talked about the plan he has for the following sessions. He also said that, rather than having a definite 24 sessions, he's willing to have it so we could have an extra couple if they were needed. I don't know how I feel about that.
Aaanyway. I spent some of the session talking about my fear of failing. Fear of failing the CBT guy and fear of failing myself. I feel like if I'm not fixed after this round of therapy, then I'll have done something wrong. CBT guy said that that's not how it works, and that with a "relapsing illness" being fixed completely isn't 100% realistic, at least not with medication being as it is at the moment (i.e. a bit hit and miss).
For next session, I'm supposed to write about what recovery means to me. Well, I've already written that here, so I'll just copy and paste and add a bit.
Can you try to see your life in less absolute terms? You don't have to be fixed or not fixed, find some of the in-between area and realize that 'working on yourself" is an acceptable place to be. Even if that's where you are after therapy, there could be reasons for that. And try not to judge things that haven't happened yet.
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